Hard arteries and bubble gum cigarettes. Episode 5.

Cigarettes should not be considered gateway drugs.

I say this because I was 8 when I was smoking them, and 8 alone. As soon as 4th grade was around the bend, I knew I needed a little conviction in my life, to find a passion somewhere, to leave my addictions behind me.

So I did. And then 5th grade happened. Some folks might expect that we kids didn't have strong wills, but nay ... they are mistaken I say. I never touched another cigarette until high school. And that was just 'cause I was drunk. It was an accident.

Sike. It was an excuse to talk to Her.

But I did smoke weed for the first time in fifth grade, which was a magical experience. 3 joints between Josh and I alone, and I don't know how many dub sacks brought into the mix by the people we were with.

We dove into the shrubbery at the river bottom where an abandoned couch sat right beneath a tree, the sun was setting in the West, sky-edges all sun-singed and colorful ... there was a little breeze ... and I remember seeing purple clouds for the first time.

Then I was high out of my mind. My atoms felt like they were ice-skating. But while my self-image was smeared and combobulating, I realized that the trees were shaved into rough shapes of dinosaurs.

Weed makes the brain wobbly, I knew that even then, so I wasn't sure if I was hallucinating. I just sat quietly, in a grey cloud of paranoia, feeling like Reptar was gonna bite the back of my head off.

Then every one else noticed dinosaur shapes too. It wasn't my mind playing tricks on me. The gardeners were just mean. No one ever saw those trees, we didn't know they were designed. So instead of sitting in their shade we ran for our lives.

Terrorize you with a toddler's imagination. That's what weed can do.