When thinking about these big-headed, snot nose, money guzzling, whiney, helpless, coquettish little brats.

I can't help but be afraid of becoming a parent. And I wish I could say it's because of their syphoning, life destroying ways, making you slave for 16 hours a day to make sure there's some food on the table and clothes on their back like how my siblings and I made my Dad work.

Which I'm not responsible for, because if he didn't want any kids, we're Catholic, kn'amsaying, condoms would never work. He should've thought about the consequences of sexual intercourse before having sexual intercourse and kids 9 months after. Sike.

Sike the sike. Sike the sike the sike. Sike the sike the sike the sike.

But even with that sacrifice, seeing us moving towards something more than where we started is the ultimate source of pride for him. It makes his heart want to explode with joy to know that two sons have started in careers, another in a university--especially since he thought that one was crazy (kn'amsaying)--and a daughter studying neuroscience/psychology/social work/something pertaining to the mind that is amazing.

I'm afraid of having kids because I'm afraid of having the responsibility of raising a child, a life, a mind, in this place ... because ... failing as a parent is not like failing in a class. I'll go to Anthro, hardly do the assignments but enjoy the readings and discussions, take the F and feel satisfied at having learned something.

... but when you fail as a parent ... man ... a teen parent I can deal with. But my dumb ass kid catching an STD? He or she will get punched through a wall because by then it will be acceptable to sock your daughter since women and men will be equals.

We can dream the Egalitarian dream.