Toilet paper under or over doesn't matter any more. The new question is: toilet seat up or down.

You know those days when you have to go so bad you rush into the bathroom and undo your corsette lace by lace and remove your belt, then unbuckle your pants and unzip them and pull them down, then tear your underwear off because it takes too long to pull them down, and you sit on the toilet without looking because you're in THAT much of a rush that taking a split second glance behind you is SO hard that you don't have the time for it?

Me either.

Look, my fellow inhabiters of Earth. I try to be as understanding as I can stand on any given day. Some days I'll give a parent the look of Death in Church while their baby is crying, ignoring the fact that the Gospel that was just read was when children walked up to Jesus and the apostles tried to shoe them away and Jesus said "Be like one of these."

Other days I'll take a beating from Jim's mom because she's going through a certain thing we call Menopause, or Hormonal Fluctuation: Puberty Pt. Deux for short. And it's okay. Because not only is Jim's mom single, but she's been through a lot in her life time, and getting spanked by her is clearly ... not ... so ... bad.

I Love you Jim's mother. And Jim. Dogg. I'm not even trying to get at your mom. Scout's Honor. (GOOD THING I AS NEVER A BOY SCOUT KN'AMSAYING!! BECAUSE THEN I CAN GO BACK ON MY WORD BECAUSE HONESTY WAS NOT INSTILLED IN ME!! N%%%%%%%%%F(*#@@#).

But. Look. Putting the toilet seat down after I'm finished flushing my bladder out is not so difficult that I can't do it. But. Audi taught me Progress is Beautiful. And so it feels that whenever I try to introduce this idea ranking second in foreignness only to chastity, it feels like ...

Should I even suggest that a woman look at the toilet before sitting down? So. This is wrong. But you know what I do just to get them back?

I put it down. I abide by their request. But I also leave it down when I urinate. AND I don't wipe it down. So now what? They have to take MORE time to take a handful of toilet paper that rolls under and wipe the seat. Unless it's already dried, then they have to get some windex and spray it down.

Consider your wish granted.
Mader pake.
I'm not bitter.