The name is Matios. The Y is Silent.

A lot of people have got the impression that perhaps I’m racist—embittered by the 500 year slavery-stint implemented by white people, the lands they colonized and exploited for natural resources and the like, the dirt and rocks they resettled American Indians on then the way they try to tax them once they figured out how to make it lucrative.

But the truth is, I forgive white people for all that! It happened so long ago! It’s not like the systematic denial to access to resources or institutionalized racism has bled over into today. Everything is fair.

What does break my heart though is how my name gets butchered and mispronounced left and right—which actually gives me an understanding as to why Obama is sometimes replaced with Osama on Fox News Channel.

But is it really that complicated? Is my identity so replaceable that they feel they can chop it up with their gringo-ness and make me sound like some disease? Or worse. Like some insurgent/freedomfighter depending on what news station your listening to?

Some variations include:

Muh-tee-ohs
May-shis
Mah-tee-yos
Matty-ohs
Martelis (Because the L is there?)
Muh-tee-yis
Muh-tai-yis
Moh-tays
Negro
Givememycarback
Stopthatthief
Pleasestophuggingmygirlfriendbecauseitmakesmefeelinsecureeventhoughyouhavemoralsandprobablywilldonothingwithherbutthefacthtatyou’rehonestandbelieveingodmakesmefeeluneasy.

So. In order to aleve the stress I know a lot of white people—and people that are not white but just can’t speak—have had, due to experiencing the sheer complication of my TWO SYLLABLE name. Here is a guide to pronouncing it.

But before that, let me say. I love you.

Mah-tyos.

Mah. Like the o in “got”
Tyos. Like the “Dios” but with a T.
I love you.